Get Back, Negative Nelly!
I’ve been arguing a lot with myself lately. That and talking myself into things. Had these conversations been out loud, I’m sure I would be writing you now from a padded room (providing I was allowed pen/paper/a computer/internet connection and my arms weren’t stuck in a funny white jacket of course). Thank goodness that is not the case.
I’ve actually had some outside help lately – you could say a therapist, but it’s not really – and have also been reading some fluffy books to assist me in transforming my life. One of the main threads throughout everything is “acceptance”.
Acceptance is a brilliant concept. I can always talk myself through something, even if it’s only temporary acceptance. You know – things don’t always go the way you would like them to, but you still need to accept the situation at hand. That’s the key – I can always accept a situation.
But how do I accept me?
I can be so incredibly hard on myself. My internal dialogue is pretty bad at times, which is so weird – I would never, ever, speak to another person the way I speak to myself! Sound familiar?
For example: When looking in the mirror “Ugh. I look like shit. I have crazy-old-cat-lady hair. My face! Why do I still have zits! This is ridiculous” “Jeezus, why can’t I just look like a normal person?” “My clothes make me look fat.” “That’s it, I’m throwing this shirt out.” “3 months later – you are never going to reach your goals.” “Ugly. Fat. PIG!”
Pretty harsh, right?
So how do I find acceptance right NOW? I mean in this very moment? I find it very difficult to accept what I’ve done to my body. The abuse – weight up and down, overeating, bingeing, over-drinking – all of those things. The weight I carry keeps reminding me of a time where so much in my life was a big pile of crap. I wore my problems in the form of a fat suit, and part of that suit still hanging around, well, that depresses me.
So, acceptance – yeah, that’s hard.
But to continue being negative, that’s harder and frankly it’s absolutely doing my head in.
So, help me out here… what do others do to accept themselves, here and now, even whilst in the middle of their body and health project ? Should I meditate? Listen to positive affirmations? participate in the Exposed Movement?
I don’t want to be negative and I do manage to fight off Nelly on a daily basis but I would really love to not have to fight her anymore. I want acceptance and I want to move on and what I understand is that the Universe won’t hand me anything I can’t handle but seriously? I need some peace in my head!