Today’s Post Brought to you by: Depression, Anger, Disappointment and Bad Self-Esteem

7 May, 2011 Off By Renée

Now if that is not an uplifting post title, I don’t know what is!

Look, I do know and acknowledge that I have good things in my life. Really, I do.

And I do know that my life is a piece of cake if you compare it to those who have it much harder than I do. People who have had terrible tragedies happen in their lives, people who are sick, people who don’t have family or friends that care about them. I KNOW. For some reason my brain doesn’t want to truly embrace that and move the fuck on.

I’m cheesed off about everything. I’m mad, angry, disappointed and I feel really let down. I feel abandoned. I’ve got the self-esteem level of a crack-whore being kicked in an alleyway. For what? I WISH I KNEW.

I feel very depressed. I keep saying that good times are coming again in the HOPES that my power of positive thinking will actually work. Yet I sit here in tears for the god-only-knows-nth day in a row. For what???

I’m disappointed in myself.

I’m disappointed in others.

I’m angry that my body will not cooperate with me.

I’m sad and confused as to why I can’t get my head in the right place.

I’m pissed off that I can not seem to follow through, not one single day, with doing the right thing.

I’m tired. I’m exhausted actually.

I don’t really know what to do any more. “They” say that eating right and keeping active keeps your endorphins in the right place, keeps you or helps you feeling better about yourself. But that’s not doing it for me.

What’s it going to take to get me going in the way I want to be going again?