Confession Time

18 April, 2010 Off By Pinky @lowfatpie

I got on my scale Thursday.

I lasted a whole week avoiding the scale.

I didn’t have a breakdown when I got on it (even though it’s at *that* number again – 82.3KG).

The world didn’t end.

I didn’t become a horrible, ugly person.

In fact I felt neutral about the whole thing.

Why should I care?  I did a lot last week that was positive and good for me.

I biked, I ran, I ate well.  I wanted to track one full day and I did that – even hitting my target of 29 daily ProPoints.  I even earned 16 activity points on that same day.

I ate chocolates, but this time took out any negative thought and emotion out of having them.

I still want to lose weight, but I am accepting more and more than I need to be OK with myself IN THE PRESENT MOMENT before the rest is going to come off.

I need to accept fully that tracking may or may not be the way to go.

That weighing myself regularly may or may not be the way to go.

That it’s actually ok to weigh 82.3KG.

I’m pretty sure I’m still going to put my scale away but in the meantime I’m not compelled to get on it.  I am going to go by size for a while – I have been wearing size 42 jeans (size 12) lately – some jeans I had from years ago that I loved.  They fit waist/hips/legs wise, but I have a bit of Dunlop Disease (you know, where your belly’s dunlopped over your belt?) a.k.a. muffin top and that’s what I’m going to focus on.  In fact I have no issue with size 42, it’s a good size and is available still in many “normal” stores, so if that is the size I’m meant to be right now, I can also accept that.

I will be posting my start size 42 photos this week.  It’s not exposed, but it’s a step towards it (on a side note, I really don’t know if I can expose myself, because 1) I am sure there is an ex-boyfriend out there that checks this blog (paranoia?)  and 2) I have friends in real life who look at this blog (though I bet they would High-Five me if I did it).  We’ll see.  One body part at a time, please.