Confession Time

I got on my scale Thursday.

I lasted a whole week avoiding the scale.

I didn’t have a breakdown when I got on it (even though it’s at *that* number again – 82.3KG).

The world didn’t end.

I didn’t become a horrible, ugly person.

In fact I felt neutral about the whole thing.

Why should I care?  I did a lot last week that was positive and good for me.

I biked, I ran, I ate well.  I wanted to track one full day and I did that – even hitting my target of 29 daily ProPoints.  I even earned 16 activity points on that same day.

I ate chocolates, but this time took out any negative thought and emotion out of having them.

I still want to lose weight, but I am accepting more and more than I need to be OK with myself IN THE PRESENT MOMENT before the rest is going to come off.

I need to accept fully that tracking may or may not be the way to go.

That weighing myself regularly may or may not be the way to go.

That it’s actually ok to weigh 82.3KG.

I’m pretty sure I’m still going to put my scale away but in the meantime I’m not compelled to get on it.  I am going to go by size for a while – I have been wearing size 42 jeans (size 12) lately – some jeans I had from years ago that I loved.  They fit waist/hips/legs wise, but I have a bit of Dunlop Disease (you know, where your belly’s dunlopped over your belt?) a.k.a. muffin top and that’s what I’m going to focus on.  In fact I have no issue with size 42, it’s a good size and is available still in many “normal” stores, so if that is the size I’m meant to be right now, I can also accept that.

I will be posting my start size 42 photos this week.  It’s not exposed, but it’s a step towards it (on a side note, I really don’t know if I can expose myself, because 1) I am sure there is an ex-boyfriend out there that checks this blog (paranoia?)  and 2) I have friends in real life who look at this blog (though I bet they would High-Five me if I did it).  We’ll see.  One body part at a time, please.


  1. Mish says:

    Expose yourself however you want..that’s the most important thing. People do it in all different ways. CLothed, not clothed, a body part. It’s really about letting your emotions go and loving yourself.

    I am excited!!!!

    1. pinkymcpie says:

      thanks Mish! I keep thinking about it, but I’m too chicken at this moment. We’ll see though. First the jeans/ belly photos. Loving your body SEEMS harder than it actually is.

  2. Suzi says:

    Way to go on having the awesome attitude sweetie!! We sometimes forget that its not just about the # on the scale, it’s about the successes & good choices that we make for ourselves. I’m very proud of you for being so strong & for taking these bold leaps. Keep it up girl!! XOXO

    1. pinkymcpie says:

      Thanks Suzi! I have been really messed up about this stupid number when really I should be looking at the other major accomplishments. It’s time to shift focus!

  3. Fran says:

    If you’re okay with this, than that’s okay. I’ve weighted around 83 for years and I was okay with it till last year. Now I’m around 79 for most of this year but somehow I’m not okay with it. The only thing is that it seems hard to lose it as it seems it’s kind of plateau as I have had this weight for years too. But I’ll keep trying.

    You just do what feels good for you!

    1. pinkymcpie says:

      I thought I would be well into the 70’s by now and I’m not entirely sure what is preventing me from it. I often wonder if it’s mental, that my head doesn’t want me to be successful. 10 years ago my weight loss was not like this – I only struggled with the last 5KG. Now I’m still at least 12KG away.

      So, instead of being unhappy and wallowing in self-pity, I accept and be the very best I can be, right now, and when my head and body are both ready, I’m sure I’ll start losing again. I just don’t want this number to stop me from feeling good and believing in myself.

  4. karen says:

    I love this post. So many times I’ve been stuck at the same number for weeks and weeks and beaten myself up over it. This post is SO much healthier than any of mine were!!!

    1. pinkymcpie says:

      Trust me Karen I have approached this so many different ways in the last few months. The fact of the matter is – it is what it is! Accepting where I am right now will get me where I want to be in the future.

  5. I know it’s hard to keep from focusing on “lack of progress”…really hard sometimes, but lately I’ve come to think of it as a sort of a “positive”. I mean, when we’re at our peak of fatdom, we aren’t in an all-fired hurry, but the healthier we get, the fitter, the thinner, we get so anxious to be MORE SO and HURRY UP and get there already!!! I think it’s so healthy that you’re really looking at where you are now…really looking, and seeing how fit and healthy you are, how pretty you are, and are starting to appreciate it for what it is: A huge success! and Major progress! So actually, I think this being anxious and frustrated is a by-product of choosing good health, we just forget to look at the reason why we’re feeling this way in the first place-that we’ve already lost a ton of weight! At this point, I think you’re right on about being accepting and proud of where you are and what you can do. I suppose the truth is that if a person cannot accept, in the end it could lead to so much anger and angst that the re-gain begins. Accepting could bring us so far into where we want to be and you know, it might actually not be hard with a change of attitude! I hope you keep writing about this in the future.

    1. pinkymcpie says:

      you have such a way with words Katie!

      I will definitely be staying on this path of acceptance and writing about it. you said it exactly how I feel it but couldn’t get the right words out. thank you!!

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