I was hoping to report that this week was way better and that I was more positive and that things were finally feeling good again. Unfortunately it’s not the case. I think with so many things on my mind (work, school, family situation, body not cooperating) I’m just feeling really down. And it’s hard for me to talk about. Something that I have been good at for a long, LONG time is just trudging on and keeping myself busy and try to keep in mind that it will all work out. And actually, many times this is the case and it’s all ok in the end but sometimes I just start to feel, well, depressed. I don’t like to use that term too lightly, because i don’t think it’s fair to people who suffer terribly from depression. It’s sort of like saying your control-freak ways are “OCD” when in reality, no, you are just a control freak. If that makes sense. I have suffered from depression before and I have been in therapy more times than I can count on both hands (I make jokes that I could be a therapist, I have so much experience in therapy) and I would like to think now that I have the tools to deal with it. Mostly I do. So, whilst trying to get a grip on it I can tell you, I feel pretty crap lately. Long story short, it was not a great week, at all.
There were good things though. I know this, I’m trying not to focus only on the negative.
One positive thing I failed to mention actually… last week I DID get the good news that I was chosen to be on the Rock’n’Blog Team again! That meant this week was spent looking at which races I could do and which dream race was I going to have on the list this year…
March 6 – 12
Monday – it was our 8 year wedding anniversary #insertloveemoticonhere Unfortunately the Fonz is ill and we can’t do anything to celebrate. It’s ok though, we profess our love to one another on a daily basis so I don’t necessarily have to celebrate the day we got married. It was a good day though, in fact it was a great day (8 years ago). Work was work and I had homework on my brain. I already decided I wasn’t running at Runiversity on Sunday, so I spent 2 hours doing homework and about 2 hours sorting out paperwork to get US Tax compliant (that’s probably enough to set someone down the slippery slope of depression). Food, water and Homework – check! No alcohol.
Tuesday – Crappy sleep again. Ok day at work, no running or gym. Finished up the homework and prep I needed to do for school. Decided to definitely run Rock’n’Roll Dublin again with Babette. We discussed important things such as which coordinating tops and socks we were going to wear (oh yeah and lodging and stuff. but socks. socks are important). I did not finish logging my food on MFP but I did get all my water in. No activity as promised to myself and no alcohol. (this may seem irrelevant, but not drinking alcohol is not only part of my diet improvement plan as well as my training plan. I don’t drink much and I don’t have a problem with alcohol, but I could easily drink a glass of wine or a beer in the evening and to me this is not conducive to a good diet and fitness program. my viewpoint for me, not judging anyone). Oh and I cleaned the bathroom in the morning so that was my housework.
Wednesday – Ron is still ill. Things have calmed down so much at work that I now feel bored. This is why I’m in school so I can do something at some point where my passion lies! It doesn’t help that I have other things on my mind so I’m not super motivated. Did not feel like logging my food at all so I didn’t. In the evening I went to a meeting for my RoPa Run Team . It was the first time that the whole support team were meeting up so I had a chance to meet the other massage therapists and got to hear a bit about how it all works. Pretty daunting actually. The RoPa run is a charity event like Ragnar – we have 8 runners and 4 cyclists that run for 48 hours non-stop (taking turns). My official task is sports massage however I am part of the support team which could mean anything from waking up runners to making sandwiches and coffee and helping the runners feel ready for their run. Each runner runs 1.5KM and then “rests” for 4.5KM and then runs again. This goes on for hours until the second team of runners is ready to go. Support team therefore doesn’t get a lot of sleep. So… super curious how it will go. I’ve never done anything like this in my life but it’s something I feel good about doing. By the way, I also don’t get paid. This is purely voluntary! If you want to know more about RoPa Run, this link is in English (the link about is about my team and in Dutch). Food – no idea, Water – on target. No alcohol, no activity, no homework, no housework.
Thursday – This morning I went to the RugPoli. Still not sure exactly what exercises I can do that will not irritate my back. Unfortunately it’s just a question of trying things out. Now I have to do a “MacKenzie” exercise several times a day for two weeks and then they’ll decide if I need another shot or not. Frankly I’m sick of it. I’m sick of always something going on with my body. In a way I wish I still had a foot issue. I’d gladly have a neuroma and have no *%&^$3+@* back pain. Alas, it is what it is and now I just have to deal with it. Did not log my food again. Sick of that too. You could say I have a slightly crap attitude at the moment. My activity was a bit of a cycle to Starbucks and back. We needed coffee so I did a little round of approx 9KM in total. Water was on target. No alcohol. Cleaned the WC and hoovered the floors.
Friday – Fairly lazy day. Made an appointment earlier in the week to go check out another gym that focuses on small groups and personal training.
For the first time someone finally told me something that was probably more realistic than something that I wanted to hear. I expressed wanting to lose weight, not simply to be smaller but to be a better runner. That running and fitness/strength were my ultimately goals and not necessarily weight loss, but that I *know* getting down to 70KG will help me progress as a runner as well. He said that it WAS most likely possible but it wasn’t something that would happen within a couple of months – more likely that it would take the remainder of the year to get there. While it’s not exactly what anyone wants to hear, I really felt like it was the truth. And especially if I can’t get it together or I can’t be bothered to be committed to what I eat, then certainly I can’t expect the weight to come flying off of me. Anyway, not sure exactly when I can join as I already have a membership at another gym, plus I’m already training with Runiversity, but he invited me for a free group lesson on Thursday so I committed at least to that. Further to that, I biked to training (16KM in total) and even though I hadn’t run since Sunday I had a really good training. 7KM all negative splits. Still hurts but less than on Sunday. Actually logged my food, water good, no homework, no alcohol, did laundry.
Saturday – school day! Prepped my food to take with me, but didn’t eat everything, then ended up with a bit of junk. Did not fully log my food on MFP. Feeling very drained and back hurts from sitting all day. Did drink all my water. Did no housework. Drank 2 beers in the evening.
Sunday – slept in a bit, had breakfast and a couple hours later attempted a run. It was a gorgeous day but the literal pain in my ass and back is really keeping me from doing what I want to do. So I’m just totally done with this week. Food: Crap. Water: Just barely enough. Did laundry and cleaned the bathroom. Depressed. Looking forward to next week. Surely it will be better.
So really uplifting update, huh?
Week 10 summed up (March 6 – 12)
Food logged: 2/7
No Alcohol: 6/7
How was your week? Have you ever participated in a Ragnar type relay run? Where do you think alcohol fits in as far as diet and fitness goes? How do you cope when your body won’t do what you want it to do?
I’m linking up this post as well with the Weekly Wrap again this week from HoHo Runs and MissSippiPiddlin – check out their blogs as well AND the links that others have dropped in the link up!
Sorry you’ve been having a tough time. I hope this week treats you better!
Thanks Michelle xx
I was never much of a drinker, so I personally gave up alcohol many, many years ago. It’s not something I’ve ever missed. But most people seem to really like it . . . food is my drug of choice. :)
Slow losing is usually more permanent losing; I can tell you that from experience.
Yes food seems to be my drug as well. But believe me I know about the slow losing… I’m on this ride since 2009 (again) and I have only seen my goal weight for about 5 minutes two years ago. Then I looked at a pie and put on 5 lbs. I find the balance of sport and food so very tricky and I don’t do well as a Hungry Person. Kind of a vicious circle
Sorry you didn’t have a great week. I kind of wish I was a drinker because it’d be a huge calorie savings if I had that to cut out, alas I don’t. Sounds like your relay will be fun. I ran one back in 2010. We went from Madison, WI to Chicago. Lots of crazy fun.
Depression runs in my family so I can certainly appreciate the struggle you’ve been having. For me, sunshine and exercise are the best remedy. In fact, I figured out years ago that my mood and motivation seem to be directly related to the amount of sunlight. I’m definitely solar powered. LOL. I might have a couple of drinks on the weekend, but don’t drink on a daily basis. The RoPa Run Team sounds fun. I’ve always wanted to do a Ragnar event. Thanks for linking, Renee.
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