Have you ever just thought – Screw it?
I mean, honestly, my brain is completely whacked at this moment and I feel as though I’ve been taken over by aliens. Or possessed. Maybe it’s Jacob or the Man in Black taking control of my body or testing me. Will I ever get off this island? Oh, wait…
So I changed my weigh-in day to Thursday. The last two Thursdays that I weighed in – both times less than the last three months. This Thursday up from last. I blogged briefly about it as you know so what I am saying here and now is not news. But, hey, in case you didn’t see it, I lost. I lost weight. I believe a grand total of 500 grams. Don’t know how much that is because you failed that Metrics System test? It’s a little over a pound. One Stinking Pound. A Pound Gone. Good Riddance I say!
What did I do differently? Not much really. This is my issue. What can I do differently? I haven’t posted my food journals as of late but really? I think I already eat really well. The argument is that maybe I’m eating too much? Maybe I’m eating too little? So a few things I did:
1) I changed my Triple Tall Non-Fat Latte in the morning to a Double Short. Less Milk, Less calories, etc., Less ProPoints (2.5 vs. 2).
2) I’m eating less fruit on the whole for snacks. I was having a few pieces of fruit between breakfast and lunch. I had or nothing or just an apple. The rest of the time I’m suffering. YES. I am suffering.
3) Instead I’m having tea. Large tea. Black. Herbal. No milk, no sugar (I like plain tea anyway).
4) I’m not having my fruit after lunch every day.
5) I’m having less fruit in my fruit and yoghurt (I used to do blueberries, raspberries, mandarin, now just mandarin and a kiwi).
6) I am also measuring out my dinner components instead of using the vezadigde porties because I think this is where it goes wrong.
There are days when I’m totally in the Zone. Not the Diet called the Zone, but you know, the “Zone”, where everything is good and you feel good and food is good, that Zone. I’m in this zone more days than not.
There are days when I’m near the zone, I can see it. We wave to each other and hey, I think the Zone just said something to me, I could see its lips moving but can’t quite make it out… You know those days? Those are the ones where you bravely accept that you had those M&M’s or 3 more beers than you planned and you say “Tomorrow’s a better day. Back on Track then.”
And then very occasionally, or perhaps even once a month you have those days where you just think “Screw it”. You look down at your trash bin at work and you find way too many chocolate wrappers in there yet you don’t remember even shoving them in your face. You have three colleagues at work who are having cake for their birthday, two goodbye parties and a pizza party for the department for lunch and you think “Screw it”. Oh, you have cookies on offer too? What, only an entire pack of butter in each one? I’ll have a half – If I break up the cookie there are no more calories, right?
I want to be in the Zone. And I want it to be totally normal. And I wonder then if it goes back to accepting myself right at this very moment and THEN it will feel normal and natural and I can stop being terribly annoyed in my head. Annoyed about a stupid little pound. Annoyed that I have to say no, or stop eating when full, or weigh and measure my food out. Maybe, just maybe, acceptance, 100%, is what is going to put me there?
I was just saying to Jeff today, I admire those people who are just SLIM and always have been and they don’t have to think about it. It gets so annoying to just THINK ABOUT IT all the time.
So, you’re having to cut your calories down even more? And then you start losing? Hmm. This stinks. 10 years ago I lost a LOT of weight and was running 5-7 miles a day and the cruelest thing I realized was that my friggin’ body was going to adapt quite nicely to that..OH NO, it didn’t need ANY more calories because of the running, it learned how to function just great on the 1400 calories it had been having all along. It’s such a stupid mystery why the body works in such twisted ways sometimes.
I’m sorry you’re starving lately :-( My saving grace is that since I turned 50, I FINALLY just don’t want to eat a lot anymore…I guess my body doesn’t need as much. When it whines, I say, “Oh just shut up. You know you’ll puff up like a blow fish and want 500 more of those if you get even one nibble. Just shut up!” These are my words of wisdom for today. Not much, is it?
Hey Katie, thanks for your reply. I did cut down on my calories, I guess… because I don’t really count calories… but yeah I’ve cut back on my fruit portions and am currently having no morning snack and working on getting my portions down at dinner. I wonder if I will eventually adjust and not feel so hungry? Like I’ll just get used to having tea instead of real food. Who knows. And hey, if I experience the same as you then I only have 9 more years to go ;)
Just found your blog today. And this post is SO timely for me! I’ve been in the “screw it” frame of mind far too often lately. I want and need to get back to the Zone! Today’s a good day so far, so I’m working my way back towards there… Looking forward to following your story!
hey, thanks for coming by! I’m glad you found me! did you come via Katie’s blog or just stumbled upon me?
I think as long as we never give up we’ll eventually get there. How’s your days been since you came by? feeling more in the “zone”? or at least less “screw it”?
hey :) I read your blog in the morning and forgot to comment (got sidetracked) sorry. I don’t have to comment on every single blog I read but I need to apologize to you because I absolutely love love love your wrting style. You put a huge grin on my face :D
Of course I also know how you feel about the on-again off-again relationship with the Zone. It’s like an ex-boyfriend everybody says we were meant for eachother yet I’m really into this other hot guy who under the shinny package is full of fat and sugar. But he is so damn hot I just can’t let go and go back to my ex so finally we can get married and live happily ever after :)
Good luck to all of us!
haha! what a great analogy River! thanks for coming by and commenting!