Old Skool – Retro Post from April 8, 2009

you see, this is not anything “new” for me…

I have to choose

I have to choose between –

going out

and not everything actually gets chosen!!

So in the past week, I’ve been on my famous “all or nothing” trip. I really must do something about that… it doesn’t really help in other areas of my life. For example – I’m finding it hard to concentrate and be enthusiastic about work, because I’m thinking about my Weight, Weight Watchers, the Weight Loss Forums, Weight Loss success stories, the weight that I lost before, how much weight am I going to lose this week, etc. Weighing, measuring, planning, journaling like a complete madwoman.

I guess I’m still getting some work done at work, but I have loads of personal things still that I need to do. Put some packages together for friends that I’ve promised for months. Write my thank you notes from the wedding. Clean my home office area. Actually do things on my “to do” list at work. Get in touch with people who have written that I keep meaning to write back.

But no. I’m thinking about the ever encompasing issue of WEIGHT.

I journalled for an entire 7 days. In fact, I’m on day 8 as we speak. I weighed in yesterday and I lost 800gr. Whoo Hoo, you say? That’s 1.7 lbs, boys and girls. I should be happy. I should be proud. But you know what I am… annoyed! See “all or nothing” comment above. 7 days of planning, writing, exercising (well, 3 at 5am and one saturday morning), saying no to chocolates, cakes, pies, beers, candy, food samples at work, even bites of food to try from friends who were eating something other than what I was eating. All of that and not even 1 KG. *Sigh*

I have to choose something else I think. I have to choose to do whatever it takes to get this weight off now, I have to choose to be patient, I have to choose to be grateful and a bit more kind to myself. I have to choose to do and think about other things than weight loss and what/ when my next meal is going to be, I have to choose to remember that this should be incorporated in my life but not become my life.

Oh I’m sure this is not an extraordinarily new revelation. I’m probably the last to get this little lightbulb going off in my head. But I’m happy it’s there. And I’m happy I’ve thought about it. And I’m happy that I’m going to stick to it but be just a little bit more relaxed about it (not too relaxed of course!).

Start weight: 98.5
Week 1: 97.7 -800g