What a week!
What a weekend!
Where do I even start? Everything about my life seems like such a blur at times. I know. It’s getting boring. I’m saying the same things over and over.
So I’m still off and feeling a bit discombobulated. I’m not eating well (still) but I’m not eating completely off the rails either.
What I wanted to do was start over again, fresh. Be more aware of my diet and do my best to stay within those so-called calorie guidelines. I made a HUGE effort. For three days. Three. Well, it seemed huge at the time.
So last year I was fighting my way to get under 80KG and I did it, I lost a couple of kilos and thought “never again” – but I’ve said those words before (when I lost 30 KG a long time ago and gained it all back anyway) and here I am, weighing in again at 81.6KG (Tuesday’s weight).
I want to say something right here, right now though… the number on the scale is such a tiny factor in my life now. I’m happy about that. Yes I would like to lose weight but it’s just not as important as everything else.
Anyway.
So Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday were in line with calorie goals and I even went to the gym twice. I logged everything. But yeah, I wouldn’t be honest with you if I were to not tell you that I’m simply bored with all of that calorie counting stuff. I’m not saying one shouldn’t count calories. I’m not saying that one shouldn’t use a program like Weight Watchers to help them along. What I am saying, for ME, MY opinion, MY life, I’m just bored, bored, bored. Paleo. Not Paleo. Carbs. No Carbs. How many calories? How many did I burn? How many steps did I take? Oh bloody hell enough already. This is what people who don’t worry about their weight , who don’t care who aren’t obsessed about their weight think when they hear all of us unfortunates rambling on and on about weight loss, calories in and out, etc. Enough already.
Don’t get me wrong. What I’m just trying to say is, there must be some point where we just stop this madness, right? Where it’s just natural? Where we just grab a bowl of yoghurt and cereal and it’s not 7x the normal portion for both, that it’s just “right”? That stopping when full is just what you do? I am at that point. I want to just “be”, naturally.
And maybe I’m just supposed to be somewhere hovering around 80KG and who gives a flying backend of a rat if the charts tell me I’m overweight?
The fact is, I’m a very healthy and fit Forty-four year old. I’m probably fitter than I was when I was Thirty-four. Or maybe not. But it doesn’t matter. I’m ok. I’m good even.
All right. Let me show you something. This means more to me than the scale number:
About 6 years ago we painted our apartment for the last time, that is until last week when we redid the hallways. I went to put on my painting clothes but there was no way I was going to paint in these pants! In fact, they didn’t even stay up longer than about 5 minutes. I had to wear an older pair of sweat pants instead.
And these jeans were also already smaller than my biggest jeans ever (a size up – these are 18W’s for reference). Clearly I was still in an ok place as far as my weight goes.
Unfortunately I have to remain cognizant of my choices and remember that eating crunchy veggies and fruit is always going to be a better choice than crisps or sticking my head in the candy jar at work, but isn’t that logical anyway?
Moving on
This weekend was fabulous. Saturday I was in Rotterdam for a surprise birthday party for my friend Tammy which in and of itself was amazing. On top of that I also got to see friends I haven’t seen in person for so long and it was just truly wonderful to be surrounded by that friendship. She’s been going through a really rough time with infertility so I hope that we lifted her spirits enough to keep her going for a little while longer while she and her husband continue treatments.
Yesterday I was in Amsterdam for the Nike Ladies We Own the Night 10K, originally planned with my friend Patricia, who is my running partner these days (next weekend as well on the Colour Run)
and ended up that my friend Lisa was also running and her very first 10K!! She’s been working very hard at weight loss and recently picked up running so this was an amazing experience for her! Joanna was also there and as usual we only managed to meet up somewhere around 3K on the course! For once we also caught each other afterwards as well!
I liked the course a lot but I have three complaints to the organisation:
1) No real food and drink available for the supporters – hubs and P’s boyfriend basically had no dinner because there was nothing available once we got started. even the bar shut down at 9pm.
2) The catwalk into the Westergasfabriek was a great idea but not executed well. As many of us came speeding around the corner to the finish we had to stop abruptly once entering the building. This isn’t a good way to run. There was a total bottle neck and took an additional 10-15 minutes to get down to the stage to receive our “bling”
3) speaking of “bling” – really Nike? A string? a string bracelet in the packet and then another at the end? Surely you could do better than that (seriously, folks, not even worth photographing)
I did the race for fun, and my Garmin told me it was 9.83KM and not 10KM but here’s the official results:
Afterwards it took forever but we finally had the beloved beer and fries afterwards and made it home around 2am. Yawn. Thank dog we didn’t work today!
We also went to visit friends today – he is also a runner and was originally supposed to run with Hubs today (apparently he messed up his back and Hubs is in pain still from his accidental Half Marathon last week… brought to him by a terrible sense of direction) and she is a fellow expat whom I met through Tammy. It was night to just hang out and chat and drink coffee.
Reality is upon me. It’s 9pm and there are dishes to be done and laundry to be put away. As per usual I’m putting off the inevitable by writing a blog post instead. I still have no plan for next week. No food ideas (fresh out). Well, guess it’s another 5am start then to whip up some healthy meals for tomorrow at least!
Are you burnt on on calorie counting? fresh out of food ideas? struggling for a real training plan? Please tell me I’m not alone!!
Your not alone sweety hug! Bad bad eating day here as well, it involved cookies..enough said. I know you are frustrated, and I hope you find the answers you need soon.
BUT! Holy cow batman! Those pics rock it missie. Look at that stomach! AWESOME!!!
I’m just not inspired. So I’m not as careful. Cookies happen. We shouldn’t let it make us NOT be ok, if that makes sense?
Thanks! and my stomach still is a pot belly it just looks good with a pair of 18W’s surrounding it!
It does make sense xxxx
You aren’t alone. I definitely go through phases like that as well. For me, I’m not in a place where I trust myself yet to not count … something. So, for me, that WW points. I’ve followed their Simply Filling plan a few times and really feel like once I can get a lot of the weight off, that’s the direction I’ll go for maintaining my weight long-term. Right now, it’s still just too easy for me to let the portions get too large if I’m not weighing, measuring, counting, etc.
Loved seeing the pic from your race this weekend. You look GREAT!
it’s kind of scary to think about not counting something Melissa. I won’t NOT count. I just am not doing it every day it seems. And nothing is really happening so maybe I can be trusted?
thank you!
You are definitely NOT alone. As I get better about what I “should” be having, I find that I don’t think about what I’m grabbing (on a regular basis) as much. I do have a hard time outside the house, but it’s STARTING to get natural here.
Nice work on your run!
Sarah
http://www.thinfluenced.com
thank you Sarah!
it’s a constant state of improvement, right?
Aaaah you are not alone, Pinky!
Here I am at 2:17 am and trying not to be rough on myself for staying up late for the umpteenth time, when I have to run a long distance run in preparation for a better marathon than Paris aka The Pain I Could Have Prevented If I Trained Consistently!
How awesome is it that we always meet on the course, and exchange sweety kisses! hahaha
You know, whenever I find myself searching for a reason to keep on blogging, I find myself reading you, and there it is: I am once again inspired by you!
As always, I wish you strength on your path of accepting the awesome you, that you are already and still becoming even more.
I meant sweaty kisses although they were of course sweet(y) too!! hihihi
P.S. I love the painting pants pic, and you and Patricia look great together!
I am completely with you on the burnt-out-on-calorie-counting thing. (You probably already know that!) That’s why I’m doing this whole intermittent fasting thing – I only need to count calories on two days of the week, and even then, it’s only one meal, and then all I need to do is attempt to eat like a normal person on the other five days of the week.
Because seriously. Calorie counting is doing my head in.
Wowzers on the painting pants picture! That’s some difference in size. :) You must have been over the moon when they started falling off your hips – except for the fact that you then had to put on another pair of pants and get paint on those, too. Ugh!
(And p.s. your tummy is adorable. <3)
Congrats on the run time, as well. :) I can't wait until I'm fit enough or healthy enough to go on a run with you! It'll happen one of these days, just wait and see.
So no. You're DEFINITELY not alone!
Way to go on your race. You look and are doing fabulous. I am so excited to be your roomie and get to know you at Fitbloggin.
Wow, I want what you’ve got! Look at the definition on that stomach, and the muscles in that arm! You’re one of the people who inspired me to start running – or wobbling s-l-o-w-l-y – and finding out I can actually run, in my own way. The thing that made me think that maybe running could help was that photo you put up – not sure if it was on the blog or on FB – of you visiting your family a couple of years ago, when you were at your heaviest, and I realised that you don’t have to be a petite size S or M to get into running. If you can do it, so can I, and we don’t have to be on completely the same route to end up in the same place. I’ve never been interested in calorie-counting, or carb-counting or whatever. Let’s face it, we’ve lived long enough in a weight-obsessed world to know what’s healthy, and the details might change from time to time, but as long as we’re heading in the right direction most of the time, we’ll get there. And it’s not all about how much you weigh; fitness is far more important. Nevertheless, I step on the scales every morning. If I lost a gram – yay, my day is made. If I’ve gained it back – shrug – I’ll forget that one quickly and get on with trying to “be good”, but I won’t be downhearted. Life’s a journey, and it’s the hills and valleys which make it interesting.