Oh Wow.

It’s like a freaking ghost town in here, man

It’s already January 18th! How did this happen??

Well. I will tell you how.

New Years Came and Went. I had to work. That’s right. I work in financial admin and end of the month is end of the month. Bookkeeping stops for no man! Sure it sucks but don’t worry, blog friends, I get the time compensated. That whole festive feeling? Yeah, I didn’t quite have it.

The Holidays are busy times for all of us. Here in the Netherlands we have Sinterklaas, then Christmas, then New Years. In addition to that, my husband’s birthday is on the 12th pf January, then my stepson’s the 30th and the stepdaughters the 12th of Feb. I am broke my mid-February as you can imagine!

I was feeling pretty homesick around the beginning of December and I know it has a lot to do with wanting to see my Grandmother (she is 90, has Alzheimers and is living in a care facility near my dad), but also the holidays were kind of dramatic this year and while I won’t divulge too much, let’s just say celebrating here is more complex and, well, different than at home. And the atmosphere isn’t the same. There are no snow-capped mountains and the smell of juniper and pinon burning in neighbours’ fireplaces. There are no luminarias. No posole or bizcochitos. I know it’s not about food or lights or whatever, it’s about being with the ones you love. For me it just doesn’t work out the way I envision. No matter how I try. In any case I’ve decided next Christmas and New Year I will be in New Mexico proving most likely that the grass isn’t always greener, but, hey, I’ll get that out of my system once and for all.

Work has been stressful, even still; a lot of work to be done and not enough people. Don’t get me wrong, I wouldn’t travel 130KM each way to work for almost 6 years now if I didn’t love my employer and my colleagues. Add a few other dynamic elements to the mix and that led to quite a lot of stressful days, emotional reactions, and, yes… chocolate.

I ended the year just under 80 kilos – just under at 79.8 I believe – which is still a slight improvement from the year(s) before, but at some point in 2012 I saw the number 77 and remember keeping my squeals of delight to a minimum to not wake up the entire neighbourhood. I know what I’m doing wrong. I know how to stop it. I just don’t.

So here we are. January 18th, 2013. I was the cook for my husband’s birthday party last weekend which meant total control over what went into the food and let me tell you, it was a huge success. Everyone loved my no-bean hummus and veggies, my lean meatballs and falafel and very low fat garlic sauce to fill up little pita breads. You know what I did though? I forgot to eat enough and ended up with a huge hangover! I haven’t had a hangover like that for years! Running and training has sort of “wrecked” (I’m not complaining) my drinking nights and I just forgot what that old life felt like! For the first time in aaaaaaages I didn’t run on a Sunday. That didn’t feel very good at all.

Food has been a total challenge so far this month. December saw quite a few old habits rearing their ugly heads – bread, rice, cookies, cake… well you know what the holidays are like. Don’t you love that excuse? I wanted a fresh start but I’m feeling uninspired. I’m lacking that drive I normally have to do the right things, as much as possible, when it comes to food. I don’t have desire for anything so I’m just stuffing everything in. I’m still tired, sad, bored, frustrated, missing home (odd, after 18 years of living in another country), wishing I could seemingly be like all those other people in the world who can just eat and do (or do not) anything they want. Poor me. Pity Party Table for One. Preferably in the Corner, thanks.

On the other hand, fitness has been pretty good! But I believe it was Tara who said “you can’t out-exercise a bad diet”. Too right, darlin. You can’t. However, So far I’ve run 38 Kilometers and amazingly BIKED 40 Kilometers in just 18 days. Biked. In the cold and snow. AND I’ve been to the gym 3 times. I actually went to the new GRIT class -and if you know me, you know that I am deathly fearful/ intimidated by classes – I want to do more and try more and experience more this year!

Speaking of which – I have a few things lined up already:
10 MARCH – DUNEA 10K RUN in Den Haag
21 APRIL – SHERPA LADIES 10K, SPIEREN VOOR SPIEREN CITY RUN in Hilversum (did this last year with Samantha)
15 SEPTEMBER – LEONTIEN LADIES RIDE in Rotterdam. Very excited to be doing this with Penny and Tammy!

and the one I’m most preparing for right now –
Berlin Half Marathon – 7 April! I said I would never do this again but I’m going to do this again. This time not just for me, a prepared me, a me who doesn’t compare to others, but also to a cause – I’m going to be raising money for the National Epilepsy Funds here locally in the Netherlands.

Well, I say most preparing for… mentally that is… I still don’t have a real training plan but I think I better get on that ASAP!

So yeah. Being blasé about food and my diet in general needs to stop. Back to focusing again. Feels much, much better when I focus (on a side note, I *am* going home on the 17th of February for a week so I can see my grandmother!! And be home!!! Even if just a week).