A Break

Phew. With the last months of running, goals, dietitians, working, not-sleeping enough, counting, traveling, and the last two weekends with each having a race on Sunday, I really needed a break.

I didn’t actually realize I needed a break of course. Typical me likes to just keep going, even though I don’t really like it… it’s what I do, I just keep going.

Sunday was my 16K and frankly all of the training and all of the mental preparation, plus work was really enough for me. This week I’ve done a whole lot of nothing.

Well, that’s not true. I have done things that needed to be done. I’ve done things I just wanted to do. I fulfilled step-parenting duties. I deliciously laid on the couch Tuesday night and watched Glee. I saw friends I hadn’t seen for at least five weeks. I went to bed early. That brings me to today.

I should also mention that it’s ridiculously busy and stressful at work this week. I work in accounting and this is our year-end. Madness is ensuing. A new business unit will be coming onboard at the beginning of October. It’s review time. Normally I have a lot going at once but right now it is madness. I had an argument with the candy jar this week and it won – but it wasn’t a messy, bloody disastrous fight. I recognize these things when they are happening; sometimes I mindlessly find the chocolates in my throat working their way to my stomach, sometimes I overcome.

I have really been so exhausted this week. I have made the decision to sleep until 5:30 every morning this week except for Monday, because I would rather sleep than prepare certain basis food items to take with me to work. In the past I’ve done things and mentally checked out, eating whatever simply because I hadn’t planned. This week was a little different. I did have some items at work and I can buy healthy items (as well as very unhealthy) and I pretty much did that. No counting, no weighing or measuring. I am just keeping and eye on things, being aware of my choices.

Yesterday I had that urge again. My nemesis, the candy jar was calling my name.

(EMPTY on a Friday)

I took a breath. I went downstairs and instead I bought non-fat yoghurt and a small packet of muesli. I was in fact hungry, chocolates would have been easy – 15 steps to the jar – I chose to work through it instead and go and get something that would make me feel better in the end for choosing it.

So, I’m on a break. But I’m really not. I can’t wait for the day when I don’t have the mental vigorous discussions about what to do, “what to don’t” (as my husband says). I don’t know if that day will ever come. Does it come to others? Do we ever stop thinking about what the right thing to do is? What the right decision is?

I believe Saturday we are due to start running again. I also plan on making a good shopping list and a meal plan for next week. I want to get back in my normal routine again. Being in my routine will most likely help me deal with the stress at work better. Yes I’m a bit of a control- freak, but I think I should use that to my advantage in this situation.

And for those number nerds out there – I’ve been pretty much winging it this week food wise yet I weighed 80.5KG when I got on the scale this week, which to me is pretty much a “maintain”. As per usual. So when I try I gain or stay the same. When I don’t try I gain or stay the same. At least I am consistent!!

What do you do when you just need a break? Are you not totally on a break or do you just throw caution to the wind and deal with the consequences later?