An Update and an Update

On Monday I totally had a post ready to write.  I was going to tell you all about my Plan for the week.  That plan included hanging in there, eating right and exercise. I’ve been hanging in there AND exercising, but I’m not super sure on the eating right thing.  It’s Thursday now, so clearly I haven’t had time to post that amazingly witty and insightful journal entry I had ready for you.

So the eating right thing – like, chocolate.  Really, who came up with this shit!?  Why am I able to resist it *most* days and then other days I’m shoving it in my face.  Maybe, just maybe, the shoving of chocolate has something to do with the brain still being in “screw it” mode and the fact that I simply have NOT been tracking.  I need to rectify that – STAT.

It hasn’t been all bad, but it hasn’t been all good.  I am not sure but I think part of the reason I’m also eating things I don’t normally eat (like chocolates and ohmygod the crepes I had this morning with whipped cream *slaps self* ) is because I’m HUNGRY.  Yes, I’m going to continue saying it, I’m hungry people.  Maybe I’m not starving, but I’m empty.  I am suffering a bit. Still.

As I mentioned before, I have cut out my mid-morning snack and have been drinking tea instead, but this is not sustainable.  This is not going to the be the way that I live my life, for the REST of my life.  So I gotta figure this out.  I just don’t know what to do yet.

I have also not had any eggs this week!  I was eating a lot of eggs (I still love them so much) but this week I had none.  The result on the scale was 1.4KG less than last week.  Was it the lack of eggs and fruit in the morning?  I really don’t know to be honest! 

Something happened on Monday (which makes me think about this thing I have of having to eat every few hours) that really bugged me.  I mean, I know these girls didn’t mean anything by it but it went like this.  I made lunch for myself and for two of my colleagues (last week they both gushed over how gorgeous my lunch was and to make a long story short they begged me to make it for them as well and even gave me money!) which was the following:

100gr wild rice
80g chick peas
3 small tomatoes
some steamed green beans (maybe 90-100g)
30g avocado
30g light feta cheese
a dressing of lemon juice and Dijon mustard
sea salt, black pepper and some fresh coriander

Now let me make it clear: I do NOT feel that this is a huge amount of food. I eat a lunch similar to this daily. Well at least I change out the protein and the dressing if it doesn’t fit. I told them I would make the exact same thing for them on Monday. Which I did.

One ate about 3/4 of the lunch and to be honest I have never seen her eat that much EVER. So, ok. Even another colleague said he thought she would explode because she’s so skinny and just really never eats that much.

The other one ate less than half. I made a joke as if she didn’t like it and she said “No, I loved it! I just don’t eat so much food!” This one I would also classify as “skinny” but was dieting this summer because apparently she was a kilo too heavy. (Don’t get me wrong here people, I KNOW it’s all relative and when people feel like they have weight to lose it doesn’t matter how much, the feeling is still there. I’m sure there are people out there right now who scoff at my *only* 30 Kilos to lose in total. Whatev.)

“I just don’t eat so much food!”

Oh. But *I* do.  That must be why I’m a fat pig and you are skinny.

So if I don’t eat very much I will be skinny?  (For the record I do not want to be “skinny”.  My goal is to be at the teetering edge of overweight and healthy BMI)

If I eat less I’ll lose weight?

What if I’m already eating less?

It makes me wonder… do “normal” people feel hungry too and they just don’t eat?  Do they feel fueled?  Do they have enough energy to exercise, with so little food?  Is my brain and my body so effed up at this point that I simply can not eat less food?

I do not recall this being such a struggle the last time I was actively losing weight.  Really.  It’s hard and that’s ok.  I am in this for not only the goal but for the rest of my life.  I’m in this for my health.  I’m healthier now than I have been in a really long time. But damn, cut me some slack now!  How can I even celebrate a loss this week when I know I didn’t exactly do it in the right way?  And if I keep shoving chocolates in my mouth, well, it’s not going to stay off either now, is it.

Last bit of news, got my number of my first race Sunday – I’m nervous as hell, but I just have to get through it now.  I ran nearly 13K on Sunday, but only 6KM on Tuesday.  Tomorrow we are going again, maybe just for 7 or 8 KM.  Don’t want to push it too much.  I figure I’ll run 5KM, walk/jog 2KM on the beach and then run again 5KM.  We have 105 minutes to complete it.  Piece of lowfat pie :)

In case you missed it, I lost 1.4KG this week.  Ok, I’ll celebrate it a bit :)

8 thoughts on “An Update and an Update

  1. Ok apologies in advance for the novel, when I start writing I don’t stop! ;O)

    Well I recognise your situation. I’m not sure if the ppl you talk about are Dutch colleagues and I am not here to trash Dutchies as this is a weightloss blog but I will tell you some of my canteen experiences from a few years back.

    I am sorry to say it but am a fussy eater,I don’t eat much when it comes to lunchtimes, but that is mainly due to being picky, if there is something I like then I can suddenly turn into a big eater no problem eg popcorn, chocolate etc etc haha

    Now one thing I have noticed people seem to be able to eat half a loaf of bread with cheese, peanut butter or sandwich spreads which mainly consist of mayonnaise for lunch. This to them is not alot of food and quite healthy in their eyes. But the second a healthy balanced option like your rice dish (which sounds very yummy btw) is available they seem to think that it is “alot” of food because it is not “normal” to eat that type of dish for lunch.

    Now I would bring in stuff from home similar to your dish, and colleagues would make a huge amount of fuss over it wanting to know what it is, what’s in it etc and because it was not the norm there would be this whole huge discussion every lunchtime and the same question everyday “are you on a diet”? I wasn’t dieting at the time but I just didn’t want to eat bread and cheese everyday like everyone else. When I did I would have one roll and maybe ham, I always got the comment that’s not much food aren’t you going to be hungry?

    Occasionally there would be a cooked meal on the menu which sounded quite nice, sometimes this would have fries included. OHHH the drama!! with comments like “oh how can you eat all that?” “I wouldn’t be able to work the rest of the day if I ate that” “thats really unhealthy” and people sticking their nose in your food wanting to know what it is. This drove me mental and actually made me feel bad about what I was eating seems I was being scrutinised each lunchtime.

    These same people are probably the ones who go home at least once a week and eat frikendaal (however you spell it) and fries cause all these snack bars here aren’t here for no reason! But you’d never see them eating these type of things for lunch it is all about keep up appearances!

    In the end sadly I lunched alone because I couldn’t take being the lunchtime centre of attention because I didn’t conform to Dutch standards.

    What I think it is with alot of people is they do what they think is expected of them, somehow alot of people don’t just let themselves go and eat whatever they like even if they are skinny. Your lunch companions you wrote about are probably self concious and uncomfortable doing things they don’t normally do, like eating rice for lunch in fear that everyone will think they are a pig. I would take their comments and actions as being reflective of their own insecurities about themselves, they probably don’t see themselves as skinny, the one girl tried to lose 1 kilo to most people that one kilo probably isn’t visible, but to her it is.

    I know it is frustrating but we are all different some of us feel hungry all the time, and others don’t even think about food it is down to our individual systems, and yes finding a system that helps us lose weight is a real pain in the arse!!

    As you know I am having trouble losing weight and have to look for a way that works for me as no amount of exercise seems to work.

    I have a question for you though, have you been to see a dietician? As most health insurance covers the first 3 visits I think. Sjoerd’s sister has her own dietician practice and I was thinking about consulting her to get some professional advice. Although most of these diet plans work for alot of people, I think sometimes perhaps some people need a more personal tailored plan to help them lose weight more effectively. I have never asked her for advice before but I have been considering it recently. Let me know if you want any info.

    I must add though the once I went to a Dr and demanded to see a dietician, you know what he did? refused and instead made me out a prescription for diet pills! 100 euro a pop! YES another one of my Dutch Dr experiences….shocking!

    But anyway to end my long story, keep up the good work, eat if you feel hungry and don’t feel guilty about it, if you are hungry it is for a reason. Try not to compare your eating habits to other peoples, we are all different and at the end of the day if people want to eat like hamsters feel hungry all the time and not enjoy yummy food or have the energy to enjoy life then that is their choice! As my gym guy says it is all about your outlook and how you feel about yourself as a person not about what you eat.

    So stop being so hard on yourself and celebrate your 1.4kg loss this week! I will be celebrating for you!! ;O)

    1. I wanted to respond to your (blog entry!) comment Lisa, a few things:

      1) Yes, these are dutch colleagues I am talking about
      2) I am pretty sure I’m going to do a whole blog entry on the Sandwich Phenomenon here in NL (I can not live off of only bread and cheese people!!)
      3) Every day that I bring something in I get comments. Every single day. The people that I really like and regularly lunch with, they know that I’m getting healthier and losing weight so they don’t ask me if I’m on a diet. Then there are the other people I don’t know very well and honestly, I just think they are being nosy. One of the most dreaded comments is “are you going to eat ALL OF THAT???”
      4) I think you have a great point – maybe they want to eat more or differently but they are afraid of being scrutinized for not being normal (you know the Dutch saying…. doe normaal, dan doe je al gek genoeg!)
      5) Even though it’s hard, I do try to remember that everyone is sensitive in their own ways about their weight (or not, which, man I would love to be like that)
      6) I have not been to see a dietitian. I went once to a Weight Consultant and she put me on some elixir and told me to eat crackers and jam for breakfast (gave me a whole diet plan actually) and come back next week – that was €80. I didn’t go back. I thought she was going to actually help me, not put me on another diet.
      7) I am really shocked about the pills!!

      I am truly working on just being happy with myself and my choices and not comparing. Some days I achieve this. Some days, meh, not so much!! Thanks for writing and understanding – it’s good to know someone in the country too that has similar experiences, not only as an expat but as a person struggling with weight! we’ll get there in the end, right???

  2. This is like the story of my life, possibly a lot of us feel the same way. I can’t tell you how annoying this hunger is. It is just not going away. I’m still suppose to cut back on more calories yet I’m hungry man! How am I suppose to eat less when I feel like I need so much more! and then workout on top of it. It’s confusing, frustrating and damn annoying! GRRRRRRR I wanna bite something! I’m gonna go eat my artichokes…

    1. if only artichokes tasted as good as chocolate!! haha! I’m glad you can relate!!

  3. Finally I found your blog!

    How did your run go? There was so much wind at the beach, luckily it didn’t bother me that much in the dunes.

    1. Hey Fran! It was good! The beach was hard though. I’m going to write a post about it… hopefully today! When is your next run?

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