WRD: Rollercoaster Ride

what this week felt like

Lots happened this week. Good stuff. Great Stuff. Stress Stuff. And some feedback stuff. More on that later.

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Plan vs. Actual

Monday – 3.25KM walk, GLI gym 1 hr intake – no workout (appt w/different PT), 3.5KM biking
Tuesday – 3KM walk (office day) to and from train station
Wednesday – 3KM walk, W6R1 run, 6KM, GLI 1 hour, gym 55 min
Thursday – 2.22KM walk, gym
Friday – 2.75KM walk, W6R2 run , gym 55 min
Saturday – 2.5KM walk, parkrun in Alkmaar 5KM, 17/17 Dutch parkruns done!
Sunday 2KM walk, long run W6R3, 1.4KM w/u walk, 10KM run (!!!)

This Week: Plan vs. Actual

  • Monday – Pilates
  • Tuesday – back to back RPM at the gym
  • Wednesday – Run 35 min easy
  • Thursday – biking to massage appointments in PM
  • Friday – Intervals 10 min easy, 3 x 5 mi threshold w/2 min rest, 10 min easy
  • Saturday – parkrun test #2 (no running)
  • Sunday – Run 70 min

Monday – brought my Pilates stuff to work with me so I could just go directly from work. We still had the remnants of Storm Ciara hitting us (lots of rain in the morning) so i actually was dropped off at work by Ron and then walked to pilates from there. I had my backpack, laptop and pilates kit on the walk to the class so – double workout, yay? **It may be of interest that I actually mailed the studio owner Sunday and asked to cancel my membership** A part of me doesn’t want to quit but I think I’m just done now.

Tuesday – I had an appointment with the orthopedic surgeon. She had me do x-rays right away (since the shot didn’t really help me much the last time) and then compared those with my x-rays from two years ago. The foot story keeps getting weirder. My toes (bones) seem to be more and more leaning towards the big toe. It was really bizarre to see my toes so disconnected like that? I mean, not disconnected but, like misplaced? Hard to explain. Anyway, she was concerned that maybe something is up with my ankle and how its actually driving the toes, so she’s now scheduled me for an MRI, which is on Feb 28th. If nothing is wrong with my ankle then she wants to fix the toes and especially the fix (file?) the big toe joint so it’s not at painful. Which means… another operation. If it’s the ankle then I likely have to have an operation as well! So, yeah. I’m strangely calm about the whole thing. I just said I’m not having any surgery until after the marathon. It is what it is. Anyway. Tuesday night, back at the gym – did RPM SPRINT on my own and then Vincent joined me for RPM.

ready to jump on my trusty steed

Wednesday – Martine messaged me if I wanted to go for a run, so of course I said yes! The weather finally calmed down a bit though it was a little cold. 6KM walk-run intervals and a great chat session.

Thursday – finally I rode my bike to work today (Monday – Rain, Tuesday – work from home, Wednesday – Rain)! I didn’t have an appointment until later on in the evening, so I there was less stress getting everything done during the day, went home had a decent dinner and then biked to my massage appointment. At that point, it was raining again, so I biked pretty hard and fast to the health center! Luckily when I left at 9:30 the rain had stopped. Quick detour to meet Ron for a drink after he was at the gym and then home.

the pink poncho helped a bit

Friday – Biked to the park, ran the parkrun route twice (so, four rounds) because I wasn’t happy with the GPS measurement the first time, biked home, then chilled out for a bit, had dinner, showered and got ready to go to Nijmegen for the drag show. I then biked to the station and biked home again after getting the last train back home. Late night but I suppose it could have been later – The plan was to come back with a friend of Gerrit’s but he was sick so I was bound by train schedules.

Saturday – up early (6:30) and biked to the park for the 2nd test run! we had 15 participants, mostly people I didn’t know so that’s GOOD! Our Facebook event got a lot of likes and shares and one lady who came said she saw our flyer in the supermarket (yay!)! Chantor (my trainer) and Kim (my hairdresser) also showed up with the baby and the dog. I understood as well that most people also had 5KM on their GPS so I think we are good now with the route. We also were interviewed for a piece in the local paper that will maybe be used later in the Gelderlander (a bigger provincial newspaper).

Eefje coming over the finish line!

What parkrun is all about – these runners just met each other but supported each other along the way!

Sunday – it’s just been a rest day. I’m tired and wiped out from the week. I did want to run and even got dressed to do so, but we are now in the throes of Storm Dennis. And Ciara just left…

This week I also heard from a friend that she has difficulty being in contact with me because I radiate “too much darkness”, that I get what I get because I send so much negative energy into the world. Whenever I hear feedback or criticism from people I care about I try to assume there is truth in it. So as much as there may be truth, I still feel like it’s a bit harsh. I don’t think I manifested my physical or mental health challenges simply because I’ve been “negative”. My belief is that if you have a friend who is hurting, there is no reason to tell them to deal with the pain and just let go of the bullshit. When people are down and negative, the best way to be a friend is say “what’s going on?” or “how can I help?” or even “I’m really sorry you are struggling right now”. Those are the things that help me anyway. We all have different ways we communicate, different ways to express things. I have a need to express so I can’t just pretend everything is ok all the time. Anyway. not looking for anyone to rip on my friend, but I am just kind of shaken from the whole thing. I haven’t seen or talked to her since July and found it odd that she hasn’t been in contact and that she wasn’t really responding to my messages. In a way I kind of expected it. And she couldn’t tell me before because she said she needed time to learn how to say these things to me.

Anyway. Moving right along.

Coming up Next Week

The Plan for next week…

  • Monday – Pilates
  • Tuesday – RPM in the AM (team dinner in the evening)
  • Wednesday – took the day off to hang with my friend Yvonne, run in the evening
  • Thursday – RPM in the AM, biking to massage appointments in PM
  • Friday – 15 mins easy, (4×5 mins threshold, with 2 mins jog rec) 15 mins easy
  • Saturday – parkrun testrun in Eindhoven
  • Sunday – Run 70 min

I am really going to make the attempt to do RPM at home in the morning since I can’t go Tuesday night to the gym. On Wednesday Yvonne wants to be home by dinnertime so that’s fine for me to run in the evening. Friday I’m going to a Holistic Health Center to meet with a doctor there who specialises in women’s health (I actually went to have blood tests done this Friday so I will have more info re: hormones).

That’s a wrap!

How was your week? What would you say the highlight was? For me it was definitely our test run! Did you race? How do you handle criticism/ feedback – do you reflect before you react?

31 thoughts on “WRD: Rollercoaster Ride

  1. Oh Renee…the drama never seems to cut you a break. I am so sorry there’s more going on with your foot (toes), but at least you’re getting some (more) answers. Nothing to add to your dilemma with the friend. I know the feeling, though, when someone you respect suddenly turns on you, with no warning. Something to consider, she may be the one who is going through a dark time and didn’t realize it until until your honesty (about your struggles) made her think about it. Sorry for the angst with that as well. Come to Iowa, we could have some chai’s and share a few hugs :-)

    1. Thank you Kim. It’s good to be able to express things here and have people get it or at least be empathic to the situation. My kingdom for a chai in Iowa with you!!

  2. so sorry to read about your friend’s hurtful comment. You are right – a friend would say “What’s up?” or “How can I help?” Not “You deserve whatever you get because you are too negative.”

    Your workouts sound great. You did something every day except for your rest day. Hang in there! Sending good thoughts your way!

  3. Glad to hear you are able to keep on keeping on in spite of your foot issues. Maybe you won’t need surgery after all? Glad you’re holding off until after the marathon.

    I missed something–why are you cancelling pilates?

    What is that INB top you’re wearing in your Tuesday photo? I haven’t seen that one!

    1. To be honest, I’m so used to the foot that I’m ok with waiting for whatever needs to happen. I think I’m in the “resolve”/ “acceptance” phase that Chicago will be the last marathon and whatever I can do after that as far as running goes, will be a bonus.

      I’m stopping pilates because mostly I don’t enjoy it and it’s quite expensive. I do like some pilates moves and I can do some at home (but will I?) and save EUR 55 a month in doing so. Part of me doesn’t want to quit, because sometimes I do like it? I don’t know. I’m really torn!

      That INB top is the peacock!!

  4. Sorry to read that your foot drama continues!b Hope the MRI finally gives some more answers. It’s really fantastic that your parkrun is getting some interest from new runners. Can’t wait to see how this all goes! Have a great week ahead and thanks for linking up

    1. really curious what will come out of the MRI! 1 week to go! and yes super happy with how parkrun is moving along!

    1. thanks! and hey, if it doesn’t challenge you it doesn’t change you, right? and yes about the ‘friend’. i hate to admit it but the words are still living rent-free in my head but I’m trying to move on and let it go.

  5. Um, well. With friends like that, who needs …. Seriously! I’ve got to think whatever it is has more to do with her than you. You have been going through a lot, but at least here and on FB and IG you share positives as well — like Parkrun and other fun stuff! And it’s not like you’re complaiing over and over about something you can change —- you’re sharing your struggles and probably resonating with others in a similar position. FWIW I don’t think of you as a negative person at all!

    1. thanks Coco! I felt the same too!! I talked to Ron a bit and he says the same – I mean this is also who I am. I can’t just keep everything inside. I’m someone who likes to let it out! And life is not perfect and not all rosy and not all “positive vibes only”! I do try to keep pushing ahead and finding good things as well.

  6. Oh man. I hate the idea that “negative vibes” cause health problems. I’m sorry you had to hear that from someone you care about. Hard stuff is part of life, and you should be able to be honest about it with friends.

    So weird about your foot – hope the MRI gives you some answers.

    1. Thanks Hannah. I just don’t believe that one can manifest negative with negative. Sometimes you just have bad luck. I mean, yes I think you can “create” more happiness or light and try not to let the dark situation rule your life. I mean, if I had cancer would I have created that myself?? So yes, I agree. I am just honest about how I feel about things.

  7. I am so proud of your run! You’ve worked so hard to bring it together.

    As a society, I feel we have worked ourselves into a “good vibes only” mentality, which is neither healthy nor realistic. Sometimes, we go through hard times. In those times, we need our friends and loved ones. Sometimes, those times last a while. Self-reflection is great but you are going through a pretty frustrating season, and I would hope a good friend could understand and be there. But that’s just my opinion, from a place of darkness. <3

    1. Thank you Jenn! We’re just getting started really with parkrun so I’m excited to see how it’s going to grow!

      and I so agree with you!! life is not perfect! and having a friend be there for you in good times and not-so-good is much more realistic AND genuine to me. I’d share my darkness with you anytime :) (somehow I think we’d end up being in the light together!!)

  8. Congrats on the new folks at parkrun! It’s so exciting to watch a project take off and to see people get the running bug. I used to live very close to my work and I was so excited when I started the job to be able to walk to work and thought about getting a bike…that didn’t last the first week. Either the weather was bad or I had to run errands for work.

    1. Thanks! definitely exciting to watch it unfold!! Here in the Netherlands biking is just a normal thing so pretty much weather or not… I’m on the bike. Well unless I get offered a ride ;-)

  9. I’m so so sorry to hear that you’re having more pain in your foot. I know you just have to be over dealing with all of this. I really, really hope that this will be the final time to have to deal with foot pain and issues. You deserve a break!

    I think that your friend’s comment was harsh. Sometimes people don’t know how to reach out to someone when they are in pain or struggling. She would have been better of saying that to you, instead of criticizing you.

    1. Thanks Kim. I am totally fed up with the foot situation. And mostly just deal with it daily. but yes, I would love to be done with it all!!

      and thanks for saying that. I also found it really harsh . and I’ve talked to Ron and two others about it as well as sharing it with you guys and at least now I know that it may have more to do with her than with me.

  10. I think, considering everything you have going on, that you are amazingly positive. My guess is that your friend is dealing with her own issues. I’m sorry, though, that had to hurt. I might sometimes think that about some people, but I would also never say that to them! That’s like hitting someone when they’re down. And no, actually, I don’t think that about you!

    So happy that Parkrun is going so well for you. That support . . . yes, there are supportive running groups here, but often the slower runners are left to their own devices. So many runs say “all paces welcome” but the reality is all paces as long as you can run at least a 10-11 mm — otherwise you’re certainly still welcome, but you’re probably going to be all by your lonesome.

    1. Thanks Judy. And I agree. I felt a little bit “kicked” while I was down. And yes exactly about parkrun. I miss being able to run with my group and I guess it’s good that they are honest (you may not enjoy yourself if you can’t run at least 10KPH is basically what they say on the website) but still. I love the all-inclusiveness of parkrun!

  11. Oh wow, that comment from your friend sounds tough! I don’t think relentless positivity is helpful when things aren’t going well either. It’s important to acknowledge the reality of what you’re going through and what you’re feeling. For it’s worth, you certainly don’t come across as negative in your blog posts. They come across as very authentic, which is a good thing!

  12. I would be a bit shaken by what your friend said. I do tend to take things like that really personally, even if it’s not true. Sorry to hear that, and about your foot and toes :( Some how I came about a podcast from a couple of British guys who chat the whole time they are running, and they talked quite a bit about parkrun. It sounds really great! (the podcast was Running Commentary) Also, love the two ladies cheering each other on in your video.

    1. Exactly Lisa! I did take it personally and it’s been in my head since it happened. And yes the Brits are so fanatical about parkrun! I love it though. And there will be loads of them coming over to the Netherlands now to run – there’s an alphabet challenge and most people were going to Poland to get the “Z” parkrun… now they an run in the Hague at Zuiderpark parkrun!

  13. Renee I am so sorry that your foot woes continue. You have been dealing with all of this for way too long! I’m really floored by what your friend had to say. It was harsh – you are entitled to feel how you feel about what you’ve been dealing with and I would hope a friend could be more understanding and supportive. Sending you hugs.

    1. Thanks Michelle! Sadly I’m so used to the foot by now :( And yes I find it also very harsh what she said :( I’m glad that you all can understand where I’m coming from instead of just finding that I’m sending out darkness and negativity into the universe. Thanks for the virtual hugs.

  14. I’m so sorry to hear both about your foot/ankle and your friend’s comments. I hope you can get the foot issue sorted out so you can take steps in the right direction to get it fixed (no pun intended). I suppose if I were in your place with your friend, I would reflect as well, simply because I’d be so taken back by her comments that I wouldn’t know what to say… I’m sorry she hurt you with her harsh words.

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