WRD: No Clever Title Here

Deborah and Kim are the amazing hosts for the Weekly Run Down! Feel free to join in as well to wrap up your week in fitness!


Plan vs. Actual

Monday – 3.25KM walk, GLI gym 1 hr intake – no workout (appt w/different PT), 3.5KM biking
Tuesday – 3KM walk (office day) to and from train station
Wednesday – 3KM walk, W6R1 run, 6KM, GLI 1 hour, gym 55 min
Thursday – 2.22KM walk, gym
Friday – 2.75KM walk, W6R2 run , gym 55 min
Saturday – 2.5KM walk, parkrun in Alkmaar 5KM, 17/17 Dutch parkruns done!
Sunday 2KM walk, long run W6R3, 1.4KM w/u walk, 10KM run (!!!)

Weekly Run Down Blogger Linkup

Another Week Bites the Dust

It’s that time again. It wasn’t a bad week, but here I am on Sunday, struggling to feel OK about things. Please don’t think I want to feel this way or that I don’t try to find the positive in every day. I promise you I do. I’m just struggling mentally. It’s hard to describe because I’ve nothing to complain about and yet… something’s not right.

somebody get me a hammer
wanna break all the clocks and the mirrors
and go back to a time that was different
A time when I didn’t feel like there was something missing
now my body and mind are so distant
don’t know how to escape from this prison
how can I
free my mind?
’cause I can’t breathe

I don’t want you to feel sorry for me and I don’t want to scare people away either but I have to be honest about not feeling good. Pretending I do when I don’t just makes things worse. If you have ever dealt with depression or have loved ones who’ve dealt with it, I’m sure you can understand.

I did have to laugh when I saw this; not everything is bad in my life

I’m also not going to dwell too much on it; let’s talk about the week shall we? I’d have to give myself a C this week. It just was “meh”.

This Week In Fitness

This Week in Fitness – Planned vs Actual

  • Monday – gym, strength training Actual
  • Tuesday – I shall make more than a feeble attempt to get up early to do a walk in the morning Nope
  • Wednesday – Pilates Nope
  • Thursday – Gym, strength training Nope
  • Friday – something at home Went out for a walk
  • Saturday – Parkrun in Dusseldorf Actual
  • Sunday – RPM Actual (plus 30 min on Arc Trainer)

So yeah, it really wasn’t that great, but it wasn’t the worst week ever.

The Daily Rundown

I started off the week fine, but we got home pretty late from the gym Monday and I didn’t sleep well, so Tuesday morning was just a no go.

I did have a great/ fun night out with my colleagues on Tuesday, but of course our night out was in Eindhoven (about an hour drive from here) so I was home around 9:30pm.

Wednesday I had a quick meeting after work with others to discussing getting Parkrun in Arnhem literally up and running. This was the only time we could meet, and after work, so I had to skip pilates. It was a good reason to skip; I’m keen to really make this happen. I asked Ron spontaneously if he wanted to go to Sugar Hill and get a burger with me and he happily accepted my invitation.

Thursday I worked quite late (until almost 7pm) and Ron had a hair appointment at 8:30 so after I had a quick bite to eat I walked over to our hairdresser (who is the wife of our former trainer and in the same building – about 3km away from home) to get my steps in. I wasn’t fair from goal since I discovered in the morning i had a bent key and wasn’t able to get into our storage to ride the bike to work. Filed under: things that only seem to happen to me

Friday I was off work and just didn’t feel like doing anything. I think this is where things go wrong for me lately. If I have down time I think to much or I get sad and then I cannot get motivated to do things. In the afternoon though I finally got dressed to go out walking and did a little round in the nearby neighborhood and back. Friday night we went over to Wendy and Vincent’s so we could hear all about his trip to NYC and the marathon experience. He picked up some Nuun for me and got me another Nuun marathon bottle. I think I’m going to collect the 6 World Major Marathon bottles instead of the stars (medals). So far I have Boston, Chicago and New York. Always purchased, never earned.

Saturday was an early start; 2 others wanting to get Parkrun started here were at my house at 6:45 to make the drive to Düsseldorf. It’s about an hour and half drive and was really quiet on the road which was nice. The location was really nice and I enjoyed the run. Yes, you read that right. I ran. Did you think I wouldn’t? It was more like a gentle jog and I had two walking breaks. We got a chance to talk to the guys from Nijmegen (our neighboring city) and to the ones organising this particular park run so it was also informative. After the run we all went to a cafe nearby and had coffee and something to eat. We talked more on the ride home as next Wednesday we are doing a pitch at a bi-monthly runner’s gathering (called the Run Cafe).

me, Ron, Mark and Dafne. #teamArnhem #loveparkrun

Ah Sunday, here we are again! This morning was RPM and 30 minutes on the Arc Trainer. I did not feel like going as I felt pretty depressed on the way there. I am glad, and proud of myself for going there and NOT laying in bed feeling bad. It does help, to go to the gym. It’s not the solution, but it helps. So I’ll keep doing that.

To Sum it All Up

  • I had one run of 5km (I’m seeing my physio next Friday and I’ll mention it to him. I think I can start running but hey, I’m not a professional, so…)
  • 2 x to the gym, 1 x with strength training
  • No home workouts
  • 3 walks
  • steps: 72,273*

What is up with my body?

The running was fine,but something in my body feels off and it’s just really hard to explain.

At my massage on Wednesday with my friend (and massage colleague) Marieke we talked about how sometimes GP’s just don’t listen. They are bound to insurance agreements and are usually quite conservative. I talked to my doctor in September about the feeling I have in my abdomen, just above my groin (where i get nerve pain now from the herniated disc), and she told me that my abdomen felt “fine” and “normal”. I’ve always had a pot belly and with menopause it’s an even bigger pooch, but on the left side it feels like it’s pushed out more than on the right side and it feels “harder”. If that makes any sense at all?

I just don’t know if this is a real thing or if it’s in my mind or what? And because it’s so bloody hard to explain I don’t even want to go back to my GP. I’m just so done. I don’t want more body problems! Isn’t it enough to have to constantly be in pain or recovery or both? Can I just stick with the foot thing, please??

Coming up Next Week

The Plan Next Week

  • Monday – pilates, maybe also something at the gym afterwards
  • Tuesday – RPM
  • Wednesday – REST (Run Cafe Pitch for Parkrun)
  • Thursday – another meeting in the evening (sports massage related)
  • Friday – physio and gym/strength training
  • Saturday – not sure yet
  • Sunday – RPM

Next week I’m also going to try just getting up in the morning early to get used to it. I haven’t heard this podcast yet but the gist is that if you are trying to get up early AND run AND do strength training, AND AND AND… that’s too much in one go. So the first step is getting up.

Because of the Run Cafe gathering, I’ve asked my pilates instructor if I can start on Mondays a week earlier than planned. Haven’t heard back from her so if she says no, then no pilates next week!

That’s a wrap!

How was your week? What grade would you give yourself? Are you one of those people that weird things only happen to you (it seems)? Have you ever had to give a pitch to 100+ people for something you were passionate about?


  1. Wendy says:

    I’m sorry that you’re having such a hard time right now! Just do what you can do, control what you have control over, and keep moving. Hang in there!

    1. Renée says:

      Thank you Wendy!

  2. Kim at Running on the Fly says:

    I wish I had some sound advice, or life experience to compare your situation with, but I’m coming up empty. I’m so sorry things are less than ideal. Wishing I could hug you in person, or at least grab a coffee (or a chai LOL). I think your strategy for just getting up early is a great start…I’ll try to send some “wake up and start the day” vibes in your direction ;-)

    1. Renée says:

      Thanks Kim. It’s ok if you don’t have sound advise for me. I think just responding is enough and helps. x

  3. Sounds like you are going through a lot. I’m sorry to hear that. I know it makes the most simple things turn into a task when the feeling hits. Lean on those friends and family members. Sending positive thoughts your way!

    1. Renée says:

      thank you so much Lisa!

  4. deborahbrooks14 says:

    It is so frustrating to know that something is off w your body. I feel you! Great that you feel you are able to return to running. Hope you get the green light this week

    1. Renée says:

      Thanks Deborah. It definitely helps that people understand this a bit!

  5. therightfits says:

    I’m sorry to hear this is a tough time. Know that it will get better. Thinking of you, and appreciate the honesty

    1. Renée says:

      Thanks Jessie!

  6. Coco says:

    I’m sorry you’re struggling, but glad you are able to share your struggles. Life isn’t always a bed of roses — or sometimes you are stuck on the thorns. :-P LOL at collecting the majors water bottles. Glad you had some fun times with friends. I get my workouts in, but have a harder time making socializing.happen.

    1. Renée says:

      Thanks Coco! I’ve felt a lot of thorns lately!!

  7. Birchwood Pie says:

    Hey Renee, I hear you on the depression. You are not alone. In my own case when I tried to smell the roses and pretend that things weren’t that bad, it just made the depression worse, when I was honest and said “hey life sucks” I slowly got the fight back in me and things got better. I am screaming mad at your doctor, and if you have the option to go somewhere else, I would do it…it’s nice that your abdomen feels fine to her, how about she puts some effort into getting your abdomen to feel fine for you??? Ugh!

    So happy that you got a 5k in and that it felt good, that’s everything.

    1. Renée says:

      Thank you so much. And yes I’d rather just say life sucks right now and get it out. why pretend!?

  8. I hope this coming week is a better week for you and I have great respect for you for sharing your struggles with your readers. And considering you felt meh all week, your summary of your workouts didn’t look too shabby. I hope you can figure out your abdominal thing; that’s got to be concerning to you to always feel “off.” Take care, my friend!

    1. Renée says:

      Thank you so much Debbie!

  9. Liz Dexter says:

    “Please don’t think I want to feel this way or that I don’t try to find the positive in every day.” — surely no one here is going to say or think that. I respect you, too, for sharing your struggle. I’m not in a great place at the moment and I’m also struggling with the fact that the side-effects from my anti-anxiety medication are starting to outweigh the good effects. I am guessing you have some sadness after losing your cats, too, and this time of year is often hard for a lot of people. Don’t panic, keep on keeping on, and please don’t grade yourself with a C. You’re up and clean and out of the house, right?

    1. Renée says:

      there is a LOT going on that I don’t talk about on the blog to respect privacy. but yes, losing cats, losing relationships, losing my fitness it all builds up. (Ron and I are fine by the way so that’s not the relationship of which I speak!) and yes I am up and clean and out of the house! Hope you are feeling better Liz, it makes me sad to know that you are also not super-ok.

      1. Liz Dexter says:

        I’m getting there, thank you. The meds I’m on are a bit troublesome so I have a meeting with the doctor end of next week, and we have two young rescue cats coming to live with us soon so Matthew is very happy and excited and I am looking forward to them, if a little apprehensive. Keep on keeping on xx

  10. The message from that podcast sounds similar to what I am struggling with right now. I feel like I need to do everything but even just doing one thing is a step in the right direction. I’m sorry things have been tough recently. I’m glad you have found that exercise can help but I’m sure its tough to get motivated to start, especially when you aren’t running much. Fingers crossed you can start running again (PT approved) soon!

    1. Renée says:

      Thanks Lisa! I have found that starting at the basics (just getting up, for example) is already helping. You don’t HAVE to do everything. Don’t put that sort of pressure on yourself.

  11. Renee, I am so sorry that you are struggling so much right now. I don’t think you are alone, it’s a difficult time of year for most of us. I know I crave more sweets & carbs, and it takes me much longer to motivate myself out the door (unless I’m really busy, then I seem to squeeze things in).

    I hear you on drs. My friends know I’m not a fan, and in fact, I have a dr appt for next week for the first time in a long, long time. And as a new patient, it almost took a literal year to get that appt.

    I must say what you’re describing with your abdomen sounds alarming. I would probably treat it the same way, try to ignore it, but this is a do as I say thing — I would either go back to the dr or maybe seek a second opinion? Or perhaps a gyno appt makes more sense.

    I hope some sunshine comes into your life this week. And I thank you for keeping things real on your blog — I personally think that’s important, because all our lives are messy in some way.

    1. Renée says:

      Thank you Judy. I really appreciate it. And I hope your doc appointment went well. I talked to my physio and he did say it could be a hernia and I should see my GP. And he told me to just be adamant, that I know my own body and that I want to have an ultrasound. He said that’s the only way to know. And if it’s not a hernia then we have to figure out what it is. The thing is, it doesn’t really hurt. But there’s something still off.

      1. He’s right, you do know your own body best. Bad things happens when we ignore what it’s telling us. :(

  12. Oh Renee sweetie I so wish I could give you a hug and we could go have a glass of wine (or two) and chat for a while. I’m sorry that you are struggling, but I’m glad you’re sharing – you should keep doing that and never apologize for what you put on your blog!

    I think if something feels off to you about your abdomen I’d re-visit your doc – and if s/he can’t listen to you then it’s time for a second opinion. I’m not a fan of most doctors and have had my fair share of ones who don’t listen. I know how frustrating it is when you think there might be something there worth paying attention to – trust your instincts.

    Big hugs to you my friend – I hope this week is better for you!

    1. Renée says:

      Thank you SO much Michelle. I wish we could go for that hug and wine as well!

      I’m going to go to the doctor because it could possibly be an inguinal hernia… which will not go away on it’s own… I’m not going to panic yet…

  13. Sounds like you are going through a lot and I’m sorry you are struggling. I wish I knew the words to say to help. I have loved ones who struggle with depression and the hardest thing for those of us on the other side is not knowing what to say or do. I really hope you get some answers and relief soon!

    1. Renée says:

      Thanks Montana. I know it’s hard to know what to say or do. I really just appreciate people acknowledging it and wishing me to feel better; that’s already doing a LOT.

  14. Hannah says:

    Sorry you are having a rough time! I hope things are looking a bit better this week.

    1. Renée says:

      Thank you Hannah!

  15. […] I mentioned in my WRD from last week, I really wanted to challenge myself to get out of bed at 5 o’clock and do something […]

  16. Oh I am so sorry for what you are going through right now. Sending you lots of hugs!! I hope this past week was better.

    1. Renée says:

      Thanks Zenaida x

Comments are closed.